Turtle Menace

This is Tucker.

This is a turtle.

 

This is what happens when Tucker finds a turtle.

Please note the alert ears and very concerned demeanor.  There was much barking and worrying involved here.  You can't see the turtle from this angle, but that little bugger was in there, I'm sure of it!

Turtles are actually quite threatening...bahaha!  (Actually they're not, my dog is just a weirdo)

 

You could cut the tension here with a knife! 

"Begone, turtle menace!"

 The bravery is overwhelming.

 

Wardrobe Malfunction

Raise your hand if you remember this historical wardrobe malfunction that occurred during the half-time show of Superbowl XXXVIII!  (Bonus points are involved if you can tell me what number XXXVIII is...I've absolutely no idea.)

Cute, sassy dress

A couple of weekends ago, I was involved in my very own derrierre wardrobe malfunction.  It involved a cute, sassy dress (purchased from Plato's Closet, because I'm a tight-ass) with a back zipper that decided to revolt right when I needed it most.  Maybe not as epic as Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake's um...situation...but at the time the badonk malfunction happened, the only thing I wanted to do was crawl in a hole and not come out until either 1) my malfunction was fixed, or 2) copious amounts of wine had been consumed.  #2 ended up being the winner.

I was attending a wedding of two very good friends, with a bunch of other very good friends (aka. college reunion, aka. see #2 above).  The devilishly handsome man I married had to work this particular weekend, which turned out to be a blessing.  If he would've had to suffer through the badonk malfunction, I would've died of embarrassment even more than I already did...is that even possible?!

Anyway, back to the back zipper horridness.  I'd just met up with my brother who was filling in as my +1 for the evening since hubby could't make it.  Bro-ha is a college student in the town where the wedding took place; I figured he'd enjoy a free meal during the reception, being a poor college kid and all.  Little did he know, a full moon was on the menu!  We had just walked allllll the way across the reception hall (read: in front of EVERYONE) to reach our seats when my good friend Mer tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Hey Jen, your dress is gapping in the back."  I was all "Oh, ok.  I'll fix it here in a bit."  That's when I felt the breeze.  That's when I felt the huge gaping hole.  That's when I felt the bare skin of the upper portion of my derrierre showing off it's glowing self to THE ENTIRE ROOM.  That's also when I wanted to crawl in that previously mentioned hole.

Franken-dress

My poor, poor, potentially traumatized brother was such a sweetie; volunteering to get me a plate of food and a glass of wine.  My girlfriends jumped into action, pinning where they could, boosting
 my tattered self-esteem, oh yeah, and more wine was involved.  In the end (bahahaha!) one of the gal's at a neighboring table switched sweaters with me (mine was one of those short, cropped types; hers was long and flow-ey).

Not even Instagram could make this prettier!

What in the world would we do without sweet, fabulous, kick-ass girlfriends??  Have a LOT worse wardrobe malfunctions, that's for sure! ;)

Don't Worry, We Lived

Ever heard of the Craigslist Killer?  Well, just the other day, I was about 110% convinced that the devilishly handsome man I married and I where about to come face-to-face with the Missouri version of this not-so-urban legend.

One of hubby's favorite things to do is hunt for good deals on Craigslist.  "Why," you ask?  Great question.  I think it must have something to do with the fact that he was raised with 5 sisters and has a better eye than I do when it comes to bargain hunting.  The man can out-shop me any day of any week...unless kitchen supplies are involved.  When shopping for kitchen supplies, I am like a woman on fire.  I don't think there's a kitchen large enough to hold all the gadgets I desire... 

Anyway, a couple of weekends ago, hubby stumbled across a pretty good Craigslist deal on some saddles and tack for sale.  He's never been one to beat around the bush, so hubby calls up the guy fixin' to get rid of this stuff, and learns this individual is pretty unaware of the market value for gently used saddles/equipment, and calls himself "At the mercy of the buyer."  Aka--will sell this stuff for cheapo.

My initial reaction: "AWESOME!  We may be about to purchase stolen items from the Craigslist Killer."

The next thing I learn, we're meeting this individual at a truck-stop so we can follow him out of town/away from civilization to his house so we can check out these saddles.  Oh yeah, the absolute best part?!  This guy drives a white service-looking van with KC lights on the back!  Hello potential criminal, we'll just follow you right out to your place so you can conveniently chop us up and chuck the pieces in the back of your Astro van...no big deal. 

I even snapped a shot of his plates with my phone camera, so I could shoot out an emergency S.O.S text message if it turned into a situation.  I had the message already drafted and everything, dad always taught me to be prepared!

Luckily, our potential Craigslist kill turned out to be a nice, most likely lonely older guy with a shed full of junk.  We ended up walking out of there with a legit saddle, four saddle blankets, brand-new rope halter.

Moral of the story: when you find that amazing deal on Craigslist, take your partner-in-crime/husband/large dog/whatever makes you feel secure before taking on this adventure. 

The end.  Happy Hunting.

Plug in Your Crockpots!

So, today I learned that crockpots work much better when they're plugged in, it's usually good to double check the date/details of that half-marathon you're supposidly running tomorrow, and it's basically impossible to simultaneously blog and watch a scary movie at the same time.

All day today, I told that devilishly handsome man I married "get excited honey, supper's gonna be delish tonight!"  I'd prepped everything the night before over a glass of wine (pay attention, wine is important here, haha!); we where gonna have  ribs...every man loves him some ribs.  Anyway, I opened this new bottle of vino with my fancy schmancy electric bottle opener, the kind you plug in to charge every once in a while (I had to plug it in last night cause I haven't charged it since ummm, May).  We'd gotten it as a wedding present and yes, I'm just now learning how to use this thing...I fear change.  Opening wine bottles the old fashioned way is an artform friends.  Needless to say, I unplugged the crockpot to plug in the bottle opener.   This morning when I turned on the crockpot and left for work, I ended up crockpotting absolutely nothing. 

Oh yeah,  that half marathon that I was supposidly gonna run tomorrow?  Turns out it's important to read all those emails they send ya after you register...there's some good info there.        

Anyway, thank goodness for aunts who inform you of pre-race details in a timely fashion, and husbands who take you out to eat and watch these scary-ass movies with you.  

Failing at Wednesday

Last Wednesday, I failed.  'At what?' you may be asking.  At Wednesday; I just straight-up failed at Wednesday.

Here's a little background:
We'd been searching for a new/additional freezer for quite a while.  We've got a quarter of a beef coming + whatever deer meat gets harvested this season + half a hog from a show-prospect that didn't quite turn out.  Basically, my home will soon be full of meat (heehee), which is something I won't ever be complaining about!

That devilishly handsome man I married also happens to be one heck of a bargain shopper, so he located an ideal freezer candidate early last week (which happened to be located in the town I work in--aka 45 miles away from our home).  No biggie, I'm a big girl, and felt I could easily handle this whole freezer situation.  He called up the nice lady and had everything all arranged so that I could pick up the freezer on Wednesday after work. The sooner the better, they were looking to get rid of it as soon as possible.   

Wednesday dawned bright and chilly, and I was actually kicking that morning right in the badonkadonk!  (Translation: got out of bed, accomplished a little mornin' working out, stuck dinner in the crockpot so it'd be ready that evening, AND DID MY HAIR!  The hair part basically never happens.)

Anyway, there I was, kicking Wednesday in the butt!  I turned on my lil car to get her all pre-heated and toasty, grabbed my lunch and giant purse, and ran out the door.  Fast forward nearly half an hour and damn near 25 miles.  I'm halfway to work in my car when the phone starts ringing.  Immediately I get that feeling, "What in the WORLD am I forgetting?"

Turns out it's hubby, "Hey babe, do you have money for the freezer this afternoon?"
Me: "Yep, I grabbed your checkbook this morning (being married is the best, heehee!!), but ya know what I didn't grab?"
Hubby: "What's that?"
Me: "The flippin' pick-up!  I'm halfway to town in my car, looks like I'll be turning around at the next exit.  Oh p.s. any chance your truck has fuel in it?"
Hubby:  "Welllllll, I was almost home when i drove it last, figured I'd just fill it up next time I had to take it outt..."  Aka. the truck was basically on empty.  It'd be a miracle if I could make it to the nearest gas station.  This is why men frequently run out of fuel on the side of the road. 

Anyway, I arrived back at the homestead, sent a quick email to work explaning my ridiculousness, switched vehichles, got fuel, and made it to town by 8:30...not too shabby for a rough startin' Wednesday!  Hang in there kids, it's finally Friday.