Sunday, August 29, 2010

When Good Owls Go Bad...

Alright kids! By popular demand, I give you "WHEN GOOD OWLS GO BAD..." the true and ridiculously hilarious tale of my encounter with a particularly stupid bird (are owls really classified birds? I should probably know this...oh well!)

It was a dark and stormy morning!


It was a gloomy, drizzly morning!


Actually, it was a beautiful, clear morning. I was jauntily breezing...who am I kidding...panting, sweating, struggling, perspiring, whatever... down my favorite wooded trail. I had just reached the halfway point (thank goodness!) and had turned around to head back home.

Hold the phone, let's get some background on this favorite wooded trail real quick. So the trail itself is pretty nice, scenic, etc. Getting to the trail? Not so much. It requires navigating through some of the slightly ghetto neighborhood as well as crossing underneath an overpass that goes over the trail.

Oh P.S. there are sometimes hobos, homeless dudes drinking from paper sacks, you get the idea, living/residing under said overpass. Seriously, at one point there was a pretty nice cooler that sat there for at least 2 weeks. I'm broke, had no cooler myself, there was a float trip coming up, you can see the temptation! However, shoulder angel convinced shoulder devil that stealing from hobos/homeless dudes is pretty much as low as it gets, so the cooler got to stay where it was.

Back on track! Ghetto-hobos-trail-ok! Had reached the halfway point and had turned around to go back. It was pretty early in the morning, I'd say about 6:30ish, not a soul in sight, my headphones were in, I was pretty much clueless to the world. All of a sudden, WHAM! Something slams into the back of my head, nails rake across my scalp, tugging at my ponytail!

Initial reaction?? Oh shit, goodbye cruel world, life's over, I'm murdered, raped, kidnapped,'s the end. So what do I do? I'm clearly gonna have to have a talk with the ol' fight or flight response cause without skipping a beat I swing around, straight up ready to clock someone right in the face. Really? REALLY?? Could I actually do ANY damage at all? Probably not so much...

Anyway, I swing around, ready to clock someone in the face, and what do I see?

A freakin' owl! Swooping over my head and landing on a tree branch overhead! Apparantly my bobbing ponytail looked like a squirrel, and some dumbass owl thought I'd be good for breakfast! Get some glasses, ya jerk!

Still avoiding heavily wooded trails for jogging purposes,